To Mothers Everywhere

On the eve of Mother’s Day, I want to honor all mothers, not just those who raise children, but mothers who carry babies and give them up for adoption. When you carry a child for nine months, there is a bond that never goes away, and giving your child up for a better life is a huge gift. I have a friend who searched for and found his bio-mom who gave birth to him when she was a teenager, and he formed a relationship with her as his second mom. 

My children are now 18 and 16, but I remember what it felt like to be pregnant, particularly in those last few months when you’re enormous and hormonal and off-balance. I also remember clearly all the wonderful and hard moments of parenting children – the sleepless nights, the sick kid, the difficult teacher, the friend cliques. But I also remember my babies sitting up for the first time, and taking first steps, then first words (“Mama” for my daughter and “ball” for my son), then playdates and school plays and all the games and art installations in the basement. Being a mom is endless and wonderful. But we don’t get nearly enough praise for all that we do.

Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate all the sacrifices that women have given throughout history to bear, nurture and raise their children. Sometimes I think about what it was like to raise kids at various points in history – in Egypt as the pyramids were being built, or China under various rulers, during the Roman Empire or the Crusades, or during the French Revolution or during World War II. We may know the history of those times, but forget that the reason most women are not in history books is that they were doing the day-to-day work of raising children. We may have modern conveniences today which make our lives easier, but women today are still the ones to get pregnant and nurse babies, and we bear the greatest responsibility for raising the children in most relationships.

So this is our day as mothers. And this is the day to remember our mothers and grandmothers. My husband’s mother sadly died yesterday. I am grateful that she gave birth to my best friend and partner of over 27 years. She also taught him a love of travel and languages and ideas that has carried with him and into our family. My mother inspires me every day, as she plows through drafts of a novel that hasn’t been easy to write, because she’s committed to her dreams and to the story she needs to tell. I got my creativity and my curiosity and my courage from her. I would not be the person I am without her. 

So on the eve of this important day, forget the flowers and over-priced brunches. Take a moment to think about all the important women in your life, particularly those who gave you life and/or raised you. They are the true heroes in the world.

This is my daughter and mother.